we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize