On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
