doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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