R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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