Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
