and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
