i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
