dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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