I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
