Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize