Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
