Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
