I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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