PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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