I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Randomize
