babies were throwing up all over the place
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
