It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Pants are for mortals
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
