you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize