She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
