hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
