why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
