He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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