What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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