big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Randomize
