dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
