i don't like sucking hair
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
