Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize