Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
You may now shotgun with the bride
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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