i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
