I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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