You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
