That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
