help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
