I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
