its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize