I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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