I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
You work out of a Hotel?
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
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