I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
