She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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