Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
My dick has a subreddit
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
