could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
