I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
