ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
