Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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