she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
