I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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