perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
