After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
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