The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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