Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Randomize
