can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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