I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize