We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
