I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
