Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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