He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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