I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Randomize
