so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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