I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
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