It's Friday. Sex?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
