I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
