the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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