apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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